Thank You for Not Smoking

My brother-in-law, Ed has been a smoker for many years. He’s tried to quit on several occasions but has just had a heck of a time stopping for good. Well, last Monday the doctors got his attention when they performed a triple bypass surgery to get the blood flowing back into his heart. He has been in the hospital now for almost a week and no cigarettes, no smoking, no joke - no butts. I think they got his attention now.

Having been a smoker for 25 years, I know how difficult it can be to give up the habit. I’d be smoking today if it hadn’t been for an employer who would not allow it. He called UPS and asked for a different delivery driver after smelling smoke when he came to pick up a package. Bless his heart. Quitting was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and the sickest I’ve ever been.

Ed had a couple of minor heart attacks in the weeks leading up to his surgery. I thought the first one happened at my son’s wedding 3 weeks ago, when my sister-in-law, Carol locked her purse in her trunk in the church parking lot, forgetting the keys were in her purse. Ed and Carol had to call their insurance company who sent someone to get the trunk unlocked. They made it to the reception in plenty of time but I thought Ed was going ballistic. He was smoking like a chimney. He says he was unfazed; he’s been married to Carol 30 years now so I guess he wasn’t all that surprised.

We’re all very happy Ed made it through the surgery and we hope he will have an easy time giving up the nicotine.

Plagiarism

If you have seen the movie Hook, you probably recall Dustin Hoffman decrying three times, “I hate, I hate, I hate… Peter Pan!” Irascible Robin Williams plays the part of Pan whom we all love of course. Hook is probably singular in his opinion of Peter. Unless I am terribly naïve, we all love Peter Pan. He is the hero of fairy tales.

I used to do a newsletter for a Mortgage Broker client and confess to “borrowing” statistics and data from the local newspaper for his newsletter. I had the opportunity to speak with an English teacher from a nearby Junior College and feeling a little bit guilty, asked her opinion of plagiarism. “From my students there is no such thing,” she said. “It’s so rare they write anything at all, I’ll gladly take it plagiarized or not.” Now this was a dozen years ago but I’m not all that certain things have changed that much. One of the shortfalls of the internet is the temptation students are confronted with to use another’s ideas rather than their own. I’ve been there and done that.

This self-imposed deadline of writing something for my blog once a month gets me to come up with something to say without borrowing. Usually, we’re too busy and have too many other things to do than sit down and write something intelligible and comprehensive. I notice the kids today have no problem texting themselves into oblivion; I’m not sure how intelligible that stuff is, however. It appears more like socializing than communicating or sharing ideas. Even what I write here is probably coming from my ego; not myself. As human beings, we rarely sit still long enough to really know what’s going on with ourselves. We’ve adapted to a faster-paced society that springs into action, responds proactively, and really never takes the time necessary to digest what is happening and apply common sense and manners we used to have and our parents worked so hard to teach us.

I’m just too slow to keep up. I usually have to read the instructions two or three times to get the message. My wife will ask if I saw a commercial on TV that just went by and the truth is I have to see it three times for it to sink in. Most movies today are so full of explosions, crash scenes and suspenseful dialog I just can’t follow them in real time. It could be middle age slowing me down. It may be those good manners are working like a drag chute, slowing my mind and making me face the right and wrong of what I am experiencing and we are all about.

I must confess that I work at a much slower pace these days. I am guilty of watching too many news hours and politico talking heads offering their philosophy to us, the gullible audience. It is apparent that I am not alone in these troubled waters of morality and decision making. At least, I still have a moral compass or, at least, know what one is used for.

Update on what's happening

For starters, this is going to be a busy week. Kevin and Natalie are coming home and getting married on Saturday, April 4th. Kevin has been to the National Training Center and has lost a few pounds living on MREs. Michelle took a CNA class and passed with flying colors, so she has landed a new job. Brian continues to look for work. Shelley has been beating the rug so to speak around the house getting everything tidied up for guests this weekend. We will, of course, be taking many photos and videos this weekend and I'll come back and post a few here.


Wednesday Kevin and Natalie fly in from Seattle. I believe they have to squeeze in their final paperwork that day. Friday is the rehearsal at the church and the rehearsal dinner at Cattlemen's afterward. We're expecting 47 to attend the rehearsal and I've been thinking about my toast to the new couple. I feel like Luca Bratzi in the Godfather rehearsing his lines for a talk with the Don. Saturday is the real deal and a wonderful opportunity to get all the family together at one time. Natalie comes from a pretty good sized family too so it will be splendid. Many of Kevin's friends will be in uniform and there will be a "Saber arch" for the bride and groom to walk under. The dinner after the ceremony will be a wonderful experience with over 150 attendees. The bride and groom have arranged to have a DJ who will play everyone's favorites and I'll have to dust off the rust and cut a rug.


Sunday the newlyweds are off to Jamaica for a romantic holiday before flying back to Seattle.

My Philosophy is Fine, What's Your Philosophy?

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

Continuing on the negativity theme, I am reminded of an interview I did when I was at Hewlett-Packard Company for a job which I was well qualified. I didn't get the job so when I followed up I was a bit surprised to hear the interviewer say "I detected some negativity." That's all it takes. I do appreciate her honesty. She detected what she perceived as negative and I was no longer a candidate for the job.

I have a lousy habit of saying things better left unsaid. We had a "Style Guide" at HP and it said to always assert things in a positive manner. It had tons of examples of how we speak naturally and often it is negative. We provide advice by saying "Don't, or You Shouldn't, etc., and the style guide made a point to put things in positive terms.

I grew up with parents who used sarcasm in their humor all the time. So most stories were riddled with negativity. I have found self-deprecation to be a useful humorous tool as well which is why I have way too many negative, bad habits.

Purging the Negativity from Oneself

A doctor friend of mine suggested I read a book called “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle and I’m really glad I did. In it, Tolle explains how we are creatures of habit and have evolved into a state of ego sponsored insanity, which explains why we behave the way we do, even when we know better and don’t want to. I have to admit I have struggled all my life with the unconscious negativity that springs eternal from within. I have come to realize that this negative trait is the sponsor of most of my problems which, unfortunately, are self-created. “We are our own worst enemy” and the reason we are is our egos run amuck.

So Eckhart gives us the keys to reversing this plague and I have found myself benefiting immensely from my new found awareness. I haven’t arrived at perfection or the absence of negativity yet, but I have noticed the improvement. Just last night I woke up in the middle of the night and began stressing about my year-end statement from my mortgage holder. Many deep breaths and a bothersome stomach ache later, I went back to sleep. So I too recommend the book and one of the reasons I do is it doesn’t make one a preacher of the new found faith, although you could argue I have been here. Most of what we learn through his teaching we already knew. I know that sounds funny but most of what he says in the book seems very familiar.

So if you are tortured from within and looking for a way out, read what Eckhart Tolle has to say about being present and embracing the now. He even explains in very simple terms how to enjoy what you are doing when you are doing the most mundane tasks of your day.

While I watched the presidential debates last year, I was struck at how little Barack Obama was driven by his ego and how much John McCain was. You can see it in people once you know what to look for. I don’t suggest you do that to observe others; the real benefit is in self-improvement.

Have you had the experience where you go somewhere and have a fitful reaction to something said or not said about you? It’s a big deal to watch your own ego go through such gyrations. The feelings are real too. I’m sure my face was red. I was able to calmly be aware of what I was thinking and be detached at the same time. You come to a realization that you shouldn’t feel the way you do. You might not even really care. But somewhere deep inside -- your ego has an agenda and you go through some severe emotional turmoil. We all do. Well, now at least I notice that I am doing it and I’m getting a handle on controlling it. I’ll be a much more positive, enjoyable person when I do.

2008 - That was the year that was

Have you ever heard the advice “Never Volunteer?” I know there are plenty of good reasons not to. I have run into trouble consistently by volunteering and then getting my ego bruised after doing too much. I am going to start out 2009 by not volunteering.

This year has been tumultuous with the end of the Bush Administration and one of the biggest economic problems in a century. Global climate change and a society that needs gratification instantly will bring lots of new opportunities to figure out how to do things differently. It may be painful getting there, however. It seems to me the first step will be how to get along - with less. As unfortunate as it may be, lots of people are going to find themselves unemployed and looking for work.

I have been laid off from work more than 8 times in my work career and I must say it is never a good experience. It’s tragic and one of the most painful experiences of your life. I began my work life an optimist thinking if I did a good job I would succeed and be rewarded. Well, life doesn’t work that way. Common sense like poetic justice, are ideals that don’t come that close in the real world. Fifty years later, I confess I have become a pessimist when it comes to work and my fellow man in getting fair treatment. So yes, I started out an idealist like most youngsters. I tried my hand at several jobs; got my education, paid my dues and at the end of the road felt empty and resentful.

Not being a quitter, I continued to go at the work world from different perspectives. I started over in lower jobs and tried to work my way back up the ladder. Finally, I just volunteered, basically gave it away (my work product that is) until I finally realized it doesn’t matter and I won’t get the rewards I sought.

It has been disgusting so I will end this piece here.

8-1 Cav Spur Ride 2008

Kevin completed his spur ride and earned his spurs the last week of November 2008. He also got a promotion to 1st Lieutenant. The order of the spur is a long standing tradition in the Cavalry of the United States Army. It actually dates back to the middle ages when knights would earn their spurs. The Army carries on this tradition and Cavalry units wear black Stetson hats and either silver or gold spurs with their uniforms. The spur ride consists of a two-day process of long road marches and obstacle courses sandwiched between qualification with weapons and exercises simulating battle skirmishes and first aid. Kevin was photographed enduring this tradition in the Northwest Guardian.

To really appreciate what soldiers go through during a spur ride, however, it may be beneficial to see one in action. Here is a link to a YouTube video of one that took place in Korea a couple of years ago.

http://armyphoto.wordpress.com/2008/11/24/8-1-cav-spur-ride/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKVFkUCxtgk

Needless to say, we are very proud of Kevin and his accomplishments and hope he continues to spread his good cheer to everyone he meets.